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Category: 1 Corinthians (Page 11 of 21)

Marriage Needs Sex

June 16, 2016 / / 0 Comments

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again…” ~1 Corinthians 7:3-5

Paul writes almost shockingly when he talks about the importance of sex within the marriage. It’s revolutionary. He’s writing these words at a time when women were legally considered the property of their husbands. But Paul says, no, the wife owns her husband’s body in exactly the same way he owns hers. Nothing like this had ever been said before. This is a radical and unprecedented  restriction on the husband’s sexual freedoms. He can only have sex with his wife. And he HAS TO have sex with his wife! Scholars and historians cannot find this thought written down anywhere in history before this — not in secular or religious writings — this idea of mutual sexual ownership.

Paul is telling married Christians that mutual, satisfying, sexual relations must be an important part of their life together. Sex should be frequent and reciprocal. One spouse can’t deny sex to the other. That plays right along with everything we know about God’s designs for Christian marriage: loving each other the same way Christ loves the Church and mutually submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Each partner in marriage has to be most concerned not with getting sexual pleasure, but with giving it.

In the movie Annie Hall, her therapist asks her how often she and Alvie are having sex and she answers, “Constantly! Three times a week!” The therapist asks Alvie how often he and Annie are having sex and he says, “Never! Three times a week!”

OK. It takes both people. We know this. Men and women are really, really different physically, emotionally, psychologically, and on down the line in as many ways as you can imagine. So, yes, it’s not easy. Nobody says this is easy. It takes all the mutual loving and submitting and sacrificing and serving that Ephesians 5 talks about.

You know, if you’re married — I hope you know this! — sex doesn’t just happen when you turn off the lights and turn on the Marvin Gaye. It’s about consistent kindness and every day listening and communicating. It’s about daily sacrifice and respect. And it’s not about you. It’s about the other and paying attention to something bigger than both of you.

So, married people, let me ask a couple of questions: Do you believe your current sex life with your marriage partner fully agrees with Paul’s encouragement in 1 Corinthians 7?

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again…”

Are you and your spouse practicing this?

Sex is a powerful thing. This whole “one flesh” idea means that sex is a sign of the personal union and the means to accomplish that union. It consummates the marriage and it acts to maintain that covenant. And it’s got to happen in a marriage. It’s not a marriage without it.

It’ll also text your marriage or troubleshoot your marriage. It’s such a powerful thing. If your relationship is in a bad place, sex doesn’t work very well. Sex is so intimate and so close and so personal, it doesn’t allow you to just sweep things under the rug. If there’s mistrust or disrespect in the relationship, if there are some unresolved hurts or wounds, the sex will bring it out and force you to deal with it. Or you just stop having sex. And that’s a sure sign that you need to do some serious digging and soul-searching. There might be something you both need to address to move closer to God’s design for your sexual and emotional intimacy. For the sake of your marriage.

Listen, I know this is difficult. There’s nothing easy about this. Marriage is hard. Sex is tough. And it requires a lot of grace: grace from our Lord to us in our marriages and to us as individual Christians; and grace from us to one another in our marriages and in our churches. But we make it so much more difficult when we separate sex and marriage. Sex without marriage doesn’t work. Marriage without sex doesn’t work. You know I’m telling the truth. You probably know from your own experiences. Because that’s the way our Creator designed it.

Peace,

Allan

Sex Needs Marriage

June 15, 2016 / / 0 Comments

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“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’… Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.” ~1 Corinthians 6:16-20

The apostle Paul forbids Christians from having sex with a prostitute. But the reason he gives is fascinating.

The “one flesh” in Genesis 2 that Paul uses here and in Ephesians 5 means more to him than just the physical union. If he were just talking about body parts, he’d be saying, “He who unites himself with a prostitute unites himself with a prostitute.” Duh! No, he says don’t unite yourself with a prostitute because remember, “The two will become one flesh.” One person. The man and woman who have sex are united at all levels of their lives. Don’t unite with someone physically unless you’re willing to unite with that person emotionally, personally, socially, economically, and legally. Paul is crying out about the abomination of physical oneness without all the other kinds of oneness that God designed to go with it.

Tim Keller says you could paraphrase Paul’s statement like this: “Don’t you know that the purpose of sex is always one flesh — to become united to another person in every area of life? Is that what you’re seeking with the prostitute? Of course not! So don’t have sex with her!”

Now, our culture says just the opposite of what Scripture says and what God’s Church has always taught and practiced. Our world finds the idea of abstinence from sex until marriage as ludicrous. Our culture can’t even comprehend the idea. Yet this is the unquestioned and uniform teaching of all the Christian churches for all time — Orthodox, Protestant, and Catholic. Right down the line. Forever. Not because the Bible has a low view of sex, but because it has such a lofty one. Sex has a divine purpose inside marriage. But when sex is separated from marriage, it can be devastatingly dangerous.

Sex makes you feel deeply connected to the other person even if you use it wrongly. That’s the way God designed it. And it works. Even if you experience it outside marriage. Sex makes you feel deeply and inseparably connected to that other person, even if you don’t want to be. As you’re physically joined, you find yourself feeling marriage-like connections even if you’re not married. You feel like the other person is obligated to you, even though that person doesn’t have the obligation to even call you the next day. So it’s messed up. And it leads to jealousy and hurt feelings and obsessiveness if two people are having sex and they’re not married. Sex makes it really hard to break up with somebody even when you and all your friends and family know you should break up. You feel so deeply connected. You feel a “forever” because that’s how it’s designed. If it’s separated from marriage, though, sex can trap you in a horrible relationship.

If you’re not married, the instruction from Scripture and the expectation of your church — and this won’t surprise anybody — is that you adopt the Christian ethic and practice chastity: No sex if it’s separated from marriage. Now, that will be very difficult, especially in a culture that will give you no support for your conviction. So, you’ll need the Christian community. You’ll need your church to act as a people and a place of open and supportive and loving family. You’ll also need the love and grace of Christ and the boldness and power of the Holy Spirit. And you should be able to find that in your church family, too.

Peace,

Allan

Sex Is From God

June 14, 2016 / / 0 Comments

“A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.” ~Genesis 2:24

The first explicit mention of sex in the Scriptures is in the second chapter of Genesis. This is the same line Paul quotes in Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 6 when he’s talking about marriage. Man and woman, husband and wife, are to be united to become one flesh.

You know, when we read this, it looks like it’s only talking about a physical, sexual union between two bodies. But it actually means a whole lot more. When Genesis 6:12 says all flesh had corrupted their ways, it doesn’t just mean bodies. It means all people. When Joel 2:28 says God will pour out his Spirit on all flesh, it means people, not just bodies. It’s like if I said I was going to “count noses” in the worship center on Sunday or do a “head count.” I’d say, “I’ve got 985!” (preacher count) and you would know I’m not talking 985 noses or 985 heads; I’m telling you how many people are in the room (more like 700). It’s very common to use a part of a thing to represent the whole thing.

So marriage is leaving your father and mother and uniting with another so profoundly that the man and woman actually become one new single person. We’ve talked about the word “united,” or “cleave” in the older translations. It means to make a covenant or a binding contract. Every aspect of the two lives are sworn together. The man and woman merge into a single, legal, social, economic, emotional, physical, spiritual unit. They give up a lot of their rights and their independence. They give themselves completely to one another.

To call the marriage “one flesh” means that sex is a sign of that personal and legal union and the means to accomplish it. It’s the God-created way to help you give your entire self to your spouse. Sex is God’s ordained way for two people to say to each other, “I belong completely and permanently and exclusively to you.”

Now, we’re not done with this. Today’s post just really sets us up for tomorrow and Thursday.

Peace,

Allan

Singleness is a Gift

May 26, 2016 / / 0 Comments

SingleCoffee

“I wish that all people were as I am. But each person has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” ~1 Corinthians 7:7

A lot of people think Paul is talking about someone having no interest in marriage or having no desire for a sexual relationship with a spouse. So people who have this gift of singleness from God have no struggle, there’s no desire to get married. That’s why when we read the above verse we make a joke about it; a very loud and demonstrative joke: “Well, I sure don’t have THAT gift!!!”

Remember, every time Paul uses the word “gift” he’s talking about something from God that’s intended to build up others. If you’re single, your gift of singleness is not for you. It’s not to make you good so that everything’s great in your life. Your gift of singleness is so others around you can be good. So you can serve and minister in ways that married people can’t.

Maybe Paul wanted to be married. Have you ever wondered about that? Maybe Paul tried to get married. Maybe he had three accounts on Christian Mingle dot com and he hung out every day at Hobby Lobby. I don’t know. But he was single. And in his singleness, Paul lived a life of ministry and service to God and others. He took advantage of his single life, the time he had and the flexibility and freedom, to serve and minister in ways that changed the world.

When Paul calls singleness a “gift,” he’s not saying it’s super easy or that it’s really miserable. Yes, there are struggles. But God’s Spirit works through those struggles to help you grow in Christ and bear fruit in the lives of others. So, being single is not just a gift for a select few. And it’s not necessarily a gift for life. But it is a gift and it’s intended for the sake of others.

Peace,

Allan

Singles Are Blessed by God

May 25, 2016 / / 0 Comments

SingleSweater

If you are unmarried — divorced, widowed, never married — please allow me to remind you that your identity, your peace, your wholeness, your value, is never going to be realized in a spouse. Your identity, your worth, is found and made complete in Christ Jesus our Lord.

“You are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God — that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption.” ~1 Corinthians 1:30

This is so important for us to hear, both married and unmarried: We are only made complete in Jesus. We need to recognize that in our marriages, we need to stay grounded in that. And if you’re not married, you need to understand it, too. You are perfectly whole in Christ. And the Church should never pressure you to change your status. We all need to stop trying to set up our singles with every neighbor’s grandson or second niece that comes along.

Singleness is not a disease and marriage is not the cure. Yes, singleness can be a struggle and single folks can become discouraged and weary. But can’t you say the same thing about married folks? Marriage can certainly be a struggle and there are plenty of married men and women who become discouraged and weary. But we don’t jump in and offer to help them get a divorce! No, we encourage them and support them and help them grow and persevere and serve and continue to be changed into the image of Jesus.

It’s OK to be single. Single Christians belong to God and are made perfectly complete in Christ. Scripture affirms that being single is a gift from God — stay tuned, that’s for tomorrow’s post. In the meantime, if you’re unmarried, believe that if you’re in Christ you’re already perfectly whole. Everybody else, let’s stop feeling sorry for our single brothers and sisters and stop butting in to their business as if they’re not complete without a spouse.

Peace,

Allan

Your Marital Status is Not the Point

May 24, 2016 / / 0 Comments

SinglePew

Whether you’re married or single is not important. Your marital status is not the key concern. The question is: Are you being faithful to the Lord? Paul’s main concern throughout 1 Corinthians 7 is that we “live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

“The time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. I would like you to be free from concern… I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” ~1 Corinthians 7:29-32a, 35

The time is short, he says. The old order of things is doomed. Because of Christ Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, this present way of life is on borrowed time. It’s passing away. But not quite yet. We live in the in-between times. Paul calls it the “present crisis” in verse 26. Jesus calls it the “days of distress” in Mark 13. So, yes, the world goes on as we know it. All the social and material concerns are still there. We’ve got to plan and work for tomorrow. We can’t just lay around and watch Sponge Bob until Jesus returns. But what we know about the Kingdom changes our attitudes about all of it. We ought to be glad about our successes, but not overly glad; we should be sad about our failures, but not overly sad; we should enjoy this present world and the things of this present world, but not be engrossed in those things. All those things. Including marriage and family.

Both being married and not being married are good conditions to be in. We shouldn’t be overly happy about being married or overly disappointed about being single. And vice-versa. You shouldn’t be super excited that you’re single or down in the dumps because you’re married. The question is, married or single: Are you becoming more like Christ?

Paul addresses every possible situation in this chapter: singles, virgins, married people, divorced, widowed, all of it. And in each case he makes it clear that the particular situation is fine, it’s inconsequential, it’s not worth worrying about. In fact, he urges all people in each situation to remain just as they are. The specific circumstance is not the pressing issue. Our energies should not spent on worrying about or trying to change our marital status. Married or single, the focus is on our undivided devotion to the Lord.

Peace,

Allan

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