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Category: Marriage (Page 2 of 6)

Teaching on Sex

November 4, 2023 / / 0 Comments

We’re in the middle of a sermon series at GCR we’re calling “Family Matters.” We’re trying to understand why family is so important to us AND why family can never be ultimate for us. We want to see the family clearly BUT we need to see beyond the family. We’re trying to look at and engage our family issues through the love of God and the cross of Christ. We want to crucify our family values.

And tomorrow we’re talking about sex.

We can’t speak for six weeks on family matters without addressing sex. We’re not going to ignore it. The culture we live in sees sex totally differently from the way the Bible sees it, from the way the Church understands it and practices it. And the culture is loud. And powerful. The world has so distorted sexuality that we don’t know what it’s for anymore and how it’s practiced. So we need to talk about it.

I’m going to post most of tomorrow’s sermon in this space over the next few days. The main reason I’m planning to repeat myself here is that there is much to say that I don’t have time for in tomorrow’s sermon. The  following few paragraphs here were originally included in my introduction to our sermon tomorrow, but I’ve had to cut it for time. I hope this communicates well and sets us up for a week’s worth of sex education here. And I hope I haven’t made a huge mistake by cutting this out of tomorrow’s sermon.

Most sermons about sex and most youth group sessions about sex seem to center around the idea that sex is wonderfully awesome, but it needs to wait until marriage. Sex is incredible, but you can’t enjoy it until you get married. And while all those sermons and youth classes are made with good intentions and while I very much agree with what they say, it can give the impression that sex and marriage are two separate things.

Sometimes we act like marriage is the house and sex is the swimming pool. Sex is the add-on, the extra bonus, that doesn’t have anything to do with the structural integrity of the house itself, the marriage. Two separate things. We’ve got the marriage on one hand and we pay attention to the marriage. The marriage is where we live and it’s really important. And when you sign the contract to buy the house, you open up the back door and, “Wow! Look at that pool!” And you dive in immediately. You put on sunscreen and you grab a floatie and you’re out there for twelve hours. It’s a fringe benefit when you purchase the house. It’s a really nice extra.

Or maybe it’s just the opposite. Maybe sex is the house and the marriage is the add-on. Sex is the main dwelling. I’ve got to get married so I can have the sex. Sex is the main house — the foundation, the walls, the floors, the roof, everything. And the marriage relationship is the pool out back. It’s nice. I’m glad we’ve got it. Two separate things.

That kind of thinking — seeing sex and marriage as two separate things — has led to a whole let of sex without marriage and a whole lot of marriages without sex. Both of those situations are a distortion of God’s holy will. And both situations are doing serious damage to our marriages and our families and God’s Church.

I like the house/pool illustration and I hate that I’ve cut it out of tomorrow’s sermon. Sex and marriage are two sides of the same coin. Neither of them should happen independently of the other. It’s like eating salsa without chips or watching a concert on TV with the sound turned off. God not create either marriage or sex to exist without the other.

The Bible does talk a lot about sexual immorality, but not because sex is bad. The Bible has a very high view of sex. God knows how sex works. He invented  it. He created sex and gave it to husbands and wives in the very beginning for specific purposes. The sermon is not, “Don’t have sex.” It’s “If you’re married have sex; and if you’re having sex in your marriage, have more.”

We’ve made promises that GCR is going to be a safe place to have hard conversations. We’ll practice what we promise tomorrow.

Peace,

Allan

Rugged Commitment

May 20, 2021 / / 0 Comments

My great friend Jim Martin posted this in his weekly email encouragement to a bunch of us ministers who rely on him for regular shots of wisdom and strength. I’m re-posting it here word for word.

I was getting ready to officiate at a wedding in Central Texas. Preparing for this event caused me to think about marriage in general and my own marriage in particular. Beyond this, I had already been thinking about some of the fragile relationships within congregations and the relational challenges we have faced over the last year.

Some of these challenges have resulted in the fragmentation of relationships within congregations. Church members argued about the pandemic, wearing masks, getting vaccinated, the presidential election, racial issues, etc. For many, this has been quite painful.

Yet, as we look to the future of our congregations, it is important that we recommit to one another by loving with a rugged commitment. By “rugged commitment,” I mean a love that is willing to do what is hard and messy. This is a love for another that is much like the steadfast love of the Lord toward his children. This is a love that is willing to go the distance for another.

Can we love each other with a rugged commitment so that we forebear one another in love, even when we strongly disagree?

Can we love each other with a rugged commitment so that we seek to lighten the load of church leaders instead of making life so difficult for them?

Can we love each other with a rugged commitment so that we put our identity in Jesus above any other identity?

This rugged commitment is necessary for a lasting friendship, for a growing marriage, and for any congregation that wishes to stay together, in spite of the pressures that threaten to rip it apart.

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Our outdoor movie night set for tomorrow at Bivins Elementary has been moved because of all the rain – more than five inches in the past seven days and more on the way. Our Children’s Minister described the field at the school today as “swampy.” It looks like a playa lake. The event has been moved now to our west parking lot here at Central. We’re inviting the entire Bivins Elementary community and our whole church family to park on the south side, bring your lawn chairs and blankets, and enjoy Disney’s Moana at 630pm. We’ll be passing out the candy and popcorn and hoping that whatever is forecast for Friday night misses us.

Lesson learned: If we ever want rain in Amarillo, we need only to schedule an outdoor church event.

Peace,

Allan

She Keeps Saying “Yes”

November 25, 2020 / / 3 Comments

Thirty-one years ago today, I got on a plane for the very first time and flew to Las Vegas with Carrie-Anne. I had asked her to marry me on that morning of November 25, 1989 and by 11:30 that night, we were husband and wife, hitched by a deputy sheriff in the basement of the Clark County courthouse. She said “yes” to me that day and she’s been saying “yes” to me ever since.

Carrie-Anne said “yes” to a radio career marked by slow upward mobility — emphasis on mobility. She said “yes” to Pampa, Marble Falls, Memphis, Wichita Falls, and, finally, Dallas. She said “yes” to the trials and tribulations that come with being a preacher’s wife. She said “yes” to Austin, North Richland Hills, and Amarillo. She’s said “yes” to Van Halen concerts and more Rangers games than we could count. She’s said “yes” to scary movies, political documentaries, and The Simpsons. She said “yes” to the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the Dr Pepper Museum. She’s said “yes” to trips to Ukraine, Peru, Brazil, Columbia, and Bolivia. (She continues to say “no” to Israel, but I’m still asking.)

I don’t know how it keeps happening. That first “yes,” maybe, came in a moment of weakness. However it happened, I feel very lucky and grateful. I thank God every single day that Carrie-Anne said “yes” that Friday after Thanksgiving in 1989. Today, we have a houseful together — three adult daughters, a new son-in-law, and Carley’s large dog. And more unknowns and adventures still to come. Together.

Carrie-Anne knows me better than anyone. We’ve been through a lot together in 31-years. She has seen and experienced the worst of me and the best of me. And, by the grace of God, she keeps saying “yes.” I feel so fortunate to be her husband, so blessed by the Lord that she is my wife.

Peace,

Allan

Divorce & Remarriage: Last Part

July 6, 2019 / / 0 Comments

This part is just to people who have been divorced. If you’ve ever been through a divorce — if it happened forty years ago or if the ink is still wet on the paperwork — this part is for you.

I know when you hear people say God hates divorce, you think, “Can he possibly hate it more than I do?” I know. You read somewhere that divorced people have failed Christ. Somebody in your Bible class says if divorced Christians remarry, they’re going to be living in adultery the rest of their lives. You overhear someone say divorced Christians have to stay single forever. And you wonder if you’ve really been forgiven by God.

Can you be forgiven?

Maybe you wonder if you’re OK with God. Maybe you went into your marriage and divorce was not even an option. Just like all of us.

Sometimes hearts harden. Sometimes people turn their backs on God’s plan. Sometimes one party makes a decision that forever changes a covenant relationship. Maybe there’s adultery. Maybe there’s abandonment. Maybe there’s abuse. Always there’s sin.

Maybe you tried everything. You begged God night and day to save your marriage. You tried marriage counseling. You gave your all for years and years and all you got from your spouse in return was more adultery. You sought wise counsel from your elders and others in the church who know you best. But, eventually, you had to walk away.

Maybe you weren’t even a Christian when you went through your divorce. But now that you’ve given your life to the Lord, some people are telling you your current marriage isn’t pleasing to God or his Church. Or you have to stay single. And it’s not making sense with the good news of the Gospel.

Or maybe you were the guilty party. Maybe you cheated once. Or twice. Maybe a lot. Maybe your selfishness drove your spouse away. Maybe you were so caught up in your work that you neglected your spouse and children. Maybe it was your addiction. Maybe you live with the shame and guilt that you’re the one who destroyed your family.

Here’s what you need to know: There is mercy and forgiveness from God for divorce. There is a place at the table and a place to serve, a place to belong and a place to be valued and loved in God’s Kingdom for all who’ve been divorced. This is precisely why Jesus walked to the cross and willingly died for us. Love. Grace. Forgiveness. For all our sins, not just some of them. Your life right now and your eternal destiny are wrapped up in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ Jesus. And in Christ there is always light and life and hope.

Peace,

Allan

Divorce & Remarriage: Part Four

July 5, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Before I post the next section of our “Divorce: It’s Going to be OK” sermon from last Sunday at Central, let me direct you to this story in USA Today detailing the successful efforts of Blue Bell Ice Cream to identify the woman who licked the top of a container of Tin Roof last week and placed it back inside a store freezer. It happened in Lufkin, Texas. Behind the Pine Curtain. What’s wrong with those people? It’s sickening to me that somebody would do this in the first place but, more than that, it’s ludicrous that she and her friend would record it and post the video to the internet. More proof, as if we needed any, that the internet in general and our iPhones in particular are making us worse people, not better.

Also, please be aware that you can buy Little Debbie Christmas Tree cakes now in the middle of the summer. It’s a special promotion they’re calling “Christmas in July.” And please do not be surprised that I am participating.

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God forgives all sin through the cross of Christ –

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly… God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!” ~Romans 5:6-10

Divorces cause many burdens: physical, emotional, sexual, and social burdens. And, of course, spiritual burdens. Well, yeah. Divorce is sin. There are consequences for disobeying God. With divorce, there’s a guilt because we’ve failed at this most important relationship. But God forgives us and restores us by offering his perfect Son to cover our imperfections. At the cross, we’re made perfect in God’s eyes despite our many failures, including our failures in marriage. We look to the love of God and the cross of Christ.

We’ve tried legislating divorce and remarriage by laws and rules. So if a person destroys a God-ordained marriage and can’t fix it, we impose some type of punishment or restitution. If you’re going to be forgiven by God and live in a righteous relationship with God — if you’re going to be OK — then you have to do this and you cannot do that. We try to deal with divorce through laws. Praise God, he deals with divorce at the cross!

The cross of Christ is an eternal symbol of God’s limitless love and amazing grace. When we are forgiven at the cross, we become perfect by God’s love and grace and we are completely released from the burdens of guilt and shame and fear and we’re also released from any requirement to make some kind of restitution. The Church has forced divorced people to stay celibate, we’ve forbidden them to remarry, we’ve demanded they dissolve their second marriages, and we’ve disfellowshipped people who wouldn’t or couldn’t pay those prices.

Know this: Jesus Christ is the only one who pays the price. Jesus Christ makes restitution for all the sins of humanity at the cross and that includes restitution for divorce. Jesus paid it all!

“I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more!” ~Hebrews 8:12

We do not offer judgment or condemnation to the world or to each other. We gladly offer the cross of Christ. We don’t fix past sins by adding new ones. Sometimes you truly cannot go back and change what’s done. But you can commit to, in our Lord’s words, go and sin no more. All of us can claim complete forgiveness and perfect pardon through the atoning death and resurrection of Christ and work hard to remain from now on faithful to whatever vows we’ve made.

A church that is anchored in the love of God and the cross of Christ is a church that can say to a couple in crisis, “Don’t divorce; stay married.” We can say to the divorcing couple, “Repent of this sin against your family and against God.” And we can say to the divorced, “God loves you; he’s not angry with you; you are forgiven by God in Christ.”

There will be some who accuse us of preaching cheap grace. My response to that is God’s grace is better than cheap; it’s free!

“The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~Romans 6:23

“It is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God!” ~Ephesians 2:8

There are some who say you can’t be forgiven for divorce and remarriage if you’re already a baptized Christian when it happens. There’s forgiveness if your divorce was before you became a Christian, but if you were already a Christian you knew better. You can’t be forgiven of that. You’re living in sin.

Really? Go back and read Romans 5:6-10.If baptism into Christ forgives a pre-Christian divorce and remarriage, how much more! If God’s grace is freely given to his enemies, how much more for his children! The idea that Christians receive less grace and forgiveness than non-Christians cannot be our guide. The idea that Christians receive less grace because we understand God’s will better distorts grace. All God’s children have grace. Grace has no value if it doesn’t forgive sin. Romans 8 tells us there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!

Peace,

Allan

Divorce & Remarriage: Part Three

July 4, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Part One: Divorce is Sin.
Part Two: The Church has Tried to Legislate this Sin through Law.

Marriage after divorce is not a sin. Divorce is the sin. Divorce — breaking a marriage covenant — hurts people and destroys the Gospel. Getting married — making a marriage covenant — blesses people and proclaims the Gospel.

“To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, let her remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” ~1 Corinthians 7:10-11

The correct translation of the first sentence in verse 11 is “let her remain unmarried” and not “she must remain unmarried.” The original Greek word is menato – “let her remain.” Well, why does Paul want a divorced person to stay single? In 1 Corinthians, Paul wants everybody to be single. He truly believes that’s the best way to be a Christian. It’s the best way to serve God. He says it in verses 7, 26, 32, 34, and 40. Paul consistently emphasizes the benefits of being single; we’d be surprised to see anything different.

In verses 12-16, Paul talks about Christians who are married to non-Christians. His advice is to stay together in the marriage. Holiness is contagious. Don’t underestimate the power of God’s grace.

In verses 17-24, he gives the general counsel to stay as you are. He says it three times.

In verses 25-26, Paul talks to virgins and he tells them to stay single. He truly believes you can serve Christ better without the worries and responsibilities of marriage.

And now in verses 27-28, he says it’s not a sin for a divorced person to remarry:

“Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you divorced? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned.”

Again, the original Greek language is important. “Are you married? Do not seek lysin (‘to be loosed’). Have you laylysin (‘been loosed’)? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned.” Paul says it’s not a sin for the divorced to remarry. The old NIV butchered this and the new NIV makes it worse. For some reason the NIV uses two different words to translate the same Greek word used twice in the same verse like it’s two separate things. But most every other translation since Paul wrote it uses the same word twice to mimic the Greek. Check the KJV, the New KJV, ASV, NASB, NEB, Alexander Campbell’s Living Oracles Bible from 1835, Webster’s translation from 1833, the Rheims translation from 1582 (older than the KJV), and the Revised Challoner-Rheims Version put out by the 1950s Catholic Church, perhaps the most conservative when it comes to divorce and remarriage. It’s not a sin for the divorced to remarry.

We cannot object to plain Scripture because we think Jesus said something different. Jesus is answering a specific question about a detail in the Law of Moses and, as Christians, we see the Law of Moses differently. Jesus tells the lepers to show themselves to the priests; nobody’s arguing for the sick to do that today. Jesus says to lay your gift at the altar; we don’t make animal sacrifices in our worship assemblies anymore and nobody’s saying we should.

But what our Lord says is very important. Do not read me as discounting the words of Jesus. In Matthew, Jesus reminds the people about the certificate of divorce. The certificate is what gave the divorced woman the right to remarry. Everybody who was listening to Jesus assumed that divorced people can remarry — that’s the whole point of the certificate! All of Jesus’ listeners assume divorce and remarriage are less than ideal; but they never conclude it’s impossible or that remarriage is a sin. It’s not prohibited anywhere in the Law of Moses. The right to remarry has always been an assumed result of every divorce.

Divorce is sin, not remarriage. It’s not a sin to remarry after a divorce. There’s no such thing as an adulterous marriage.

And I know God hates divorce. That’s what the Bible says. Yes, God hates divorce. The Bible also says God hates our worship assemblies when we don’t treat our neighbors with love. The Bible says God hates prideful eyes, lying tongues, hearts that devise wicked schemes, and people who stir up conflict in the community.

The Bible also tells us that Christ Jesus died to forgive us of those sins and to bring us into a righteous relationship with our God.

Divorce is not the end of the world. Divorce is not a death sentence. It’s not the unforgivable sin.

Peace,

Allan

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