Category: Deuteronomy (page 1 of 4)

Divorce & Remarriage: Part Two

(This is part two of our sermon “Divorce: It’s Going to be OK” from this past Sunday at Central.)

Divorce is sin. And the Church has tried to legislate this sin through law.

Generally speaking — I’m using very broad and very general language in today’s post — the Church has historically taken a phrase or two from Jesus and a sentence or two from Paul and come up with complicated rules and strict laws and serious consequences for legislating divorce and remarriage.

We have said any divorce not based on fornication is an “unscriptural” divorce. In other words, divorce is only allowed by Scripture if one of the parties has had sex with somebody else. We’ve taken the words of Jesus in Matthew, his specific answer to a particular question about a detail in Deuteronomy 24, and we’ve built entire legal structures around it. You can’t divorce your wife except for marital unfaithfulness. We’ve called it the exception clause. Now, I’ll suggest that the reason Jesus’ words about divorce in Mark and Luke don’t contain this exception is because Mark and Luke are written to Gentile Christians who don’t know and don’t care much about the Law of Moses. Matthew is written to Jewish Christians who care a great deal about how Jesus might interpret that murky phrase in Deuteronomy 24. So Matthew puts it in.

Regardless of that, now we’ve got “scriptural” and “unscriptural” divorces based on who did and who didn’t have sex with somebody else and when they did it. So if a couple gets a divorce and there’s no fornication involved, we’ve said there’s no divorce. They’re still married in the eyes of God. It doesn’t matter how many trips they’ve made to the courthouse and how many divorce documents they’ve signed, we’ve said God is still recognizing the marriage. It can’t be undone without sexual infidelity. So if either one of them gets remarried, we’ve said they’ll be living in adultery. They will always be living in sin.

OK. What about a couple who marries and then divorces after three years? No kids. No fornication. No sexual sin. It’s just a bad match — irreconcilable differences — and they divorce. Both of these people wind up marrying again and these two second marriages are doing well. The guy has two kids with his second wife, the woman has three children with her second husband, and both families have re-committed themselves to Christ. And then fifteen years later these two run into each other at the mall. They haven’t seen each other or spoken in fifteen years. So they talk and they show each other pictures of their children and they sit down for coffee together as they’re getting caught up. Next thing you know, the coffee leads to dinner, and the dinner leads to these two having sex together that night in a hotel room. And the angels in heaven rejoice! Praise God! These two are finally obeying the will of the Lord!

We’ve also determined that if there are “scriptural” and “unscriptural” divorces based on fornication, then there must be guilty parties and innocent parties. The guilty party in a divorce can never remarry, but the innocent party can. Which means — follow me on this — we’re saying in God’s eyes the guilty person is still married to the innocent person but the innocent person is no longer married to the guilty person. I think that’s impossible. I don’t know if it’s physics or just math, but that’s impossible.

In a “scriptural” divorce in which somebody had sex outside the marriage, the innocent party can remarry because he or she has been released from the first marriage. But the guilty person is still bound? Is this about marriage or is it about punishment? We’ve made it so that in church you’re better off killing your husband than divorcing him. We’ll forgive you for murder. And then you can remarry.

We’ve made it so that in an “unscriptural” divorce, where nobody’s been unfaithful sexually, both parties are guilty. The man divorces his wife, he doesn’t get remarried, he’s not having sex with anybody else, and we say the wife cannot remarry. She’s waiting on the guy to have sex with somebody else first. She’s waiting on it! And the church is hoping for it! Somehow we’ve said this couple is still married in God’s eyes. On what grounds, I have no idea.

What about the couple that’s “unscripturally” divorced and remarried prior to baptism? Does their Christian conversion allow them to remain married? Some have said, “No, they’re living in adultery. They have to be divorced in order to be saved.” Wait. Do we tell married people to divorce in order to please God? Do we tell them they can live together but they can’t have sex? Is that the biblical model for marriage?

If a husband abandons his wife and leaves no forwarding address, can the wife remarry? Well, is the guy having sex with another woman? And what kind of proof do we need?

Does fornication after an “unscriptural” divorce retroactively make the divorce “scriptural?” In other words, the husband divorces his wife, there’s no fornication, so the divorce is “unscriptural.” If the husband remarries, now he’s committing adultery and the first wife can remarry. So in an “unscriptural” divorce, the first to remarry is a sinner and going to hell while the second to remarry is good and going to heaven.

What if a husband is beating his wife? She’s in danger of injury or maybe even death. Can she divorce? Can she remarry? Well, she can’t divorce him if he’s not cheating on her. So maybe the Church recommends a restraining order or a legal separation. Wait. The Church recommends she be relieved of her marital duties, but not her marriage? She’s not going to submit to her husband, she’s not going to serve her husband, she’s not going to give her body to her husband, she’s not going to live with her husband, but they’re still married? This is not God’s model for marriage. Is she really still his wife? Should she be? We’re setting up false and fictitious marriages for the sake of preserving a doctrine!

Jesus says, I desire mercy, not sacrifice.
Paul says the Gospel is about love, not law.

At best, we’ve developed rules and laws that are unmerciful.
At worst, we’ve punished people and monitored their salvation and sought our own salvation through legalistic works. Through law.

Peace,

Allan

Big Picture Perspective

(This is part five of our recent sermon at Central, “Parenting: So, You’ve Ruined Your Kids…” I’ve been posting this in sections all week. We’ll conclude tomorrow.)

Big Picture Perspective – Your children are not the most important thing in your life. They’re not. Your whole world cannot revolve around your kids. They can’t be the center of your universe. You can’t compromise your commitments to your spouse in time or energy or affection because of your kids. You can’t neglect the commitments you’ve made to the Lord and to his Church because of your kids’ interests or pursuits. Your kids can’t come first. Your life cannot revolve around them and their schedules and what they sign up for and what they want to do. Parents need to operate out of a big picture Kingdom of God perspective. And the children need to understand it, too.

Your children need to see you caring for other people — spiritually, physically, and emotionally. The best thing our children can learn from us is that Carrie-Anne and I are part of God’s Church. Our kids see us singing in worship and serving others with our covenant group and investing our time and money and talents into God’s people and God’s mission. Our lives revolve around our commitments to Christ and to each other.

Kids know when you put other things first. They’re not stupid. They know because we tell them with our actions. They see it.

Church is important in my family, but not as important as my traveling team. Serving others in the name and manner of Jesus is important, but not as important as our school. Or our club. Or this vacation.

The parenting passage in Deuteronomy 6 says, “The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” That’s the big picture perspective or a godly parent. The Lord is first. The kids are not.

Peace,

Allan

Appropriate Authority

(This is part four of last Sunday’s sermon at Central, “Parenting: So, You’ve Ruined Your Kids…” I started posting these in order on Monday and I’ll finish it up in this space tomorrow. This is one sermon out of our current six-weeks “Family Matters” series.)

I’ve heard some parenting experts say if your child is throwing a tantrum, don’t punish her. Don’t discipline him. The child is misbehaving because he doesn’t feel heard or understood. If the child knows she’s heard and understood, she’ll stop screaming and throwing things. So if your child is pitching a fit in the grocery store because you won’t buy him a cupcake, you’re supposed to get down on his level, look him in the eye, hold his hand, and repeat over and over to him, “You want a cupcake. You want a cupcake. You want a cupcake.”

Now, I’m not a parenting expert. But it seems to me the kind of behavior you tolerate when they’re young continues to grow, maybe into something enormous, so twelve years later you’re holding your child’s hand, looking him in the eyes, and gently repeating, “You just robbed  a liquor store. You just robbed a liquor store. You just robbed a liquor store.”

As the parents, you have God-given authority over your children. God is very clear in the parenting passage in Deuteronomy 6: “These commands I give you? Yeah, impress them on your children. Train up your child in the way he should go.”

“Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” ~Ephesians 6:4

Appropriate authority is understanding that the child’s moral and spiritual formation is the parents’ responsibility. It’s on you. But authority is not power. Don’t confuse the two. Ephesians 6:4 also says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children.” Authority is not power.

Let’s say there’s a guy where you work in a different department from you and at a lower rank than you, but he barges into your office and says you must begin work on a certain project. You might say to him, “You don’t have the authority to tell me what to do.” You don’t mean that words cannot come out of his mouth, that he’s incapable of talking to you and speaking instructions. You mean he doesn’t have the right or the responsibility to direct you. Now, if he points a loaded gun in your face and says, “Do this project or I’ll shoot you,” you will do what he says, but that doesn’t mean he has the authority. He just has the raw power to force your compliance. That’s not what authority is. Authority in the Bible is not about power, it’s about responsibility and right.

Jesus says his authority is proven by the fact that he lays down his life for us. Your authority as a parent is not in that you’re bigger than your child, or older, or stronger, or in your title of Mom or Dad. It’s in your sacrificial love for your children. It’s in your heart for them and your deep desire to see them grow up to bring glory to God.

You have that authority and it should be used appropriately.

Peace,

Allan

Confident Trust

(This is part three of last Sunday’s sermon at Central: “Parenting: So, You’ve Ruined Your Kids…” I posted part one Monday. Part five will be Friday. You get it.)

Confident Trust – We try too hard to protect and even over-protect our children. We try to shelter them. We can’t see their futures, we don’t know what kind of world or school or marriage or health they’re going to have. And we don’t want them to suffer. That’s — I really want to be diplomatic here; I want to be gentle — that’s horse pucky! It’s nonsense!

We are the people of the cross! Jesus promises us we are going to face suffering and trials of every kind. This world is not Disneyland, it’s a boot camp. It’s tough. Our Lord says, “In this world you will have trouble; but take heart, take courage, be of good cheer, I have overcome the world!” (John 16:33)

We are not doing our kids any favors by staying in constant contact with them by texting and calling and messaging with them all day from morning til night. We’re not helping them by setting up shields and safety nets around them so they never experience pain or failure or loss. Sometimes they need to figure out on their own how to get out of a jam. How to solve a problem. Sometimes they need to suffer the consequences of their poor choices. How else will they learn? How else will they grow?

We used to tell our girls we weren’t afraid of them ever being kidnapped because whoever took them would bring them right back. Like in less than an hour. That’s a joke. I’m not talking about throwing our children to the wolves. But this continuous hovering and protecting and sheltering and the 24/7 connection with the phones is doing more harm than good. Our kids aren’t growing up. Talk to any college professor. Talk to an HR guy who interviews job applicants.

We need to display a confident trust that our God is taking care of our kids and we shouldn’t be afraid. We need to instill that confident trust in our kids. God gives us his Spirit. God gives us his promises. The parenting text in Deuteronomy 6 begins with, “You are crossing the Jordan into the new land just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, promised you.” Verse ten says, “When the Lord your God brings you into the land he promised…”

No fear. No worry. No anxiety. Confident trust.

Peace,

Allan

Obey the Lord in Front of Your Community

“Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” ~Deuteronomy 6:8-9

Your commitment to God is a public matter. After all, what does it mean to write, “The Lord is our God, the Lord alone” on your front door? It’s a constant reminder that your first allegiance is to God. Every time you leave your house and every time you come home, it’s a reminder that your loyalty to the Lord controls all your activities both inside and outside your house. It declares to all your friends who visit you and to all strangers who drive by that the Lord is not just the unseen guest in your house, he is the supreme ruler.

And on the gates. The gates were the community gathering place, where things were bought and sold, where justice was administered, and where reputations were made. Dependence on the Lord was to be declared and practiced in the middle of all that, too.

Love the Lord with your whole person and obey the Lord with your whole life.

I think, as Christians, we are subject to a couple of temptations. We are tempted to treat our relationship with God as primarily a private interior thing or only as an exercise in external performance. It can’t be just one of those things. It must be both. Our love for the Lord and our devotion to him alone is certainly rooted in the heart. But it’s demonstrated in the wholeness of our lives, in a passion to speak about our faith with our families, and to publicly declare our allegiance to the Lord in front of the world. This passage says the very decorations in our homes and the things we wear on our arms and around our necks should testify to our loyalties to God.

Peace,

Allan

Obey the Lord with Your Family

“Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” ~Deuteronomy 6:7

Your devotion to the Lord is a family matter. Declaring that the Lord is our only God means you talk about him with your family, intentionally and spontaneously. The Lord’s love and grace for us and his mighty acts on our behalf and his plans for us as his people — those are the topics of conversation around the dinner table, on road trips, and when it’s time for bed.

A people who belong to God are required to indoctrinate their kids. I don’t care how that sounds; that’s the right word. We’re commanded to pass it on to our children and we accomplish that by impressing these words on them. This word “impress” means to repeat over and over, to teach by repetition, constantly repeating.

So, talking about the Lord doesn’t just happen at church on Sunday. This is about Monday in the house and Tuesday on the way to school and Wednesday when you wake up and Thursday at the store and Friday while you’re eating a club sandwich and Saturday while you’re in the middle of laundry. Talking to your children about the Lord is not for the high priest or the children’s minister or the new youth minister. This is mom and dad and uncle and aunt and grandma and big sister. This is what you do as a family that’s faithful to God. You establish the priority with your children and your grandchildren. You let them know what the first things are — the important things — by repeating the words over and over, by making talking about the Lord a regular part of your routine.

Peace,

Allan

 

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