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Category: Marriage (Page 2 of 6)

Marital Sex Proclaims the Gospel

November 7, 2023 / / 1 Comment

“He who unites himself with the Lord unites with him in spirit.” ~1 Corinthians 6:17

How could we possibly understand what it means for two to become one? For two separate people to be completely united together? How could we ever comprehend what Jesus means when he says he is united with us? And that all of us will be one just like the Father is in Christ and Christ is in his Father and that he is in us? How could we ever understand that?

Well, our God has come up with this thing that involves a covenant and promises and vows and an ongoing unifying experience between the two in the covenant that’s mind-blowing.

Sex is what unites together two promise-making people into a life-giving covenant union before God and the whole world.

When the prophet Malachi talks about marriage, he says, “Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit, they are his” (2:15). Sex outside the marriage vows distorts the Gospel and proclaims a false God. An idol. That’s why the Scriptures everywhere use the words adultery and idolatry as synonyms. It’s the same thing. A false Gospel. A different God.

Paul says the one who joins himself to a prostitute joins Christ to that prostitute because sex is a joining together of both bodies and spirits. Sex outside of the marriage vows and commitments is a sin. It’s a sin against your own body. And it’s not like smoking cigarettes or eating too many cheese fries where you’re hurting only yourself. For Christians, your body is not your own. It’s a temple of God’s Spirit. Sex without marriage or outside your marriage desecrates God’s temple, something set apart by God to declare God’s love and faithfulness. Something holy is being used for something unholy, something that is contrary to the Gospel itself.

C.S. Lewis said sex without marriage is like tasting food without swallowing it or digesting it. It’s empty and hollow. It’s shallow and dead. And ultimately defeats the purpose. Sex in our marriages proclaims the unity we share with God in Christ by his covenant of faithfulness and love.

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I was supposed to be in Dallas today with my whole family for the Aerosmith farewell concert at American Airlines Center. It’s been postponed indefinitely because of Steven Tyler’s fractured larynx, suffered in early September on the first leg of the tour. The tour has been postponed until next year — no new dates are set yet — while Tyler receives the “best medical care in the world.” The apology from the band’s front man on the Aerosmith website says we all need to be patient.

I’m not sure if it helps or adds to my anxiety, but here’s an old video of Dream On.

The 2:30 mark makes it obvious as to how Tyler might have fractured his larynx.

Peace,

Allan

Marital Sex Prevents Temptation

November 6, 2023 / / 0 Comments

A recent Dartmouth study found that having sex at least once a week gives you the same happiness boost as receiving a $50,000 raise at work. So, if you and your spouse feel like you’re not making enough money, I’ve got at least one suggestion.

That’s not a bad reason for doing whatever is necessary to make sure you and your spouse are enjoying regular and frequent sex together. But we find more and better reasons in the Scriptures. We explored a lot of what I’m posting this week in our sermon yesterday at GCR. I’m writing in this space in order to elaborate a bit where time restricted me on Sunday.

Today’s reason for more regular and frequent sex within your marriage is that it helps prevent temptation.

“Since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband… Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” ~1 Corinthians 7:2-5

This is probably the most obvious reason. A husband and wife should be having sex often enough so that neither of them is frustrated or tempted. You’re trying to avoid the conditions that might allow the devil to get a foothold. We’re not just battling the pull of biology here, we’re fighting against Satan’s attacks on our marriages. And ongoing marital sexuality is a key way to fight. One way for a husband and wife to fight the devil is to have more sex.

Don’t think you and your spouse are not vulnerable to that kind of temptation or that neither of you is susceptible to committing adultery. It happens to godly people all the time! A husband and wife need to be honest about those temptations  and fight them together. There should be an openness to confess to your spouse when you are tempted. You notice you’re mentally drifting or you’re noticing somebody else or you’re becoming emotionally connected to somebody else. The other spouse shouldn’t be shocked that his or her partner is being tempted. Every single marriage gets tested! All of them!

If your marriage is a declaration of the Gospel, if your marriage proclaims the love and faithfulness of God to the world, why would you expect the devil to leave it alone? Confessing it to each other and talking openly about it breaks the power of the secret drama where adultery thrives. Don’t be offended at your spouse’s temptation. That’s a sign of pride. It’s also a sign of pride if you say you’ve never been tempted.

All the studies are consistently showing that married couples are engaging in sex together on average only about two to three times per month. Given the countless opportunities in our world today to satisfy our desires illicitly, the Bible’s instructions to guard against temptation still seem appropriate. Paul’s words are, “Since there is so much immorality.” Well, there still is.

That’s a pretty good reason for regular and frequent sex in your marriage. There are more and better reasons to explore today and through the rest of the week.

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Philadelphia Eagles hang on to beat Dallas 28-23 in thriller

The Cowboys had a 1st down at the Eagles six yard line with 27 seconds to play. The next five plays went like this:

False Start (11 yard line)
Sack (22 yard line)
Incomplete Pass
Delay of Game (27 yard line)
Completion Short of the Goal Line as Time Expired

The Cowboys were inside the Eagles 30 yard line four times in the 4th quarter, three separate times inside the 10 yard line, and they came away with a total of six points. Dallas could have kicked a field goal there at the end to win the game, but McCarthy went for it on 4th and goal on the previous possession instead of taking the points, putting the Cowboys down five points at the end instead of two. McCarthy elected a two-point try on an earlier touchdown instead of taking the PAT, which means Dallas could have kicked a field goal at the end to tie. Yes, it was a close loss to the division-leading Iggles. But only because McCarthy is the Cowboys head coach.

Dallas is 0-4 in their last four trips to San Francisco and Philly. And about as far away from being a contender as California is from Pennsylvania.

Peace,

Allan

 

Teaching on Sex

November 4, 2023 / / 0 Comments

We’re in the middle of a sermon series at GCR we’re calling “Family Matters.” We’re trying to understand why family is so important to us AND why family can never be ultimate for us. We want to see the family clearly BUT we need to see beyond the family. We’re trying to look at and engage our family issues through the love of God and the cross of Christ. We want to crucify our family values.

And tomorrow we’re talking about sex.

We can’t speak for six weeks on family matters without addressing sex. We’re not going to ignore it. The culture we live in sees sex totally differently from the way the Bible sees it, from the way the Church understands it and practices it. And the culture is loud. And powerful. The world has so distorted sexuality that we don’t know what it’s for anymore and how it’s practiced. So we need to talk about it.

I’m going to post most of tomorrow’s sermon in this space over the next few days. The main reason I’m planning to repeat myself here is that there is much to say that I don’t have time for in tomorrow’s sermon. The  following few paragraphs here were originally included in my introduction to our sermon tomorrow, but I’ve had to cut it for time. I hope this communicates well and sets us up for a week’s worth of sex education here. And I hope I haven’t made a huge mistake by cutting this out of tomorrow’s sermon.

Most sermons about sex and most youth group sessions about sex seem to center around the idea that sex is wonderfully awesome, but it needs to wait until marriage. Sex is incredible, but you can’t enjoy it until you get married. And while all those sermons and youth classes are made with good intentions and while I very much agree with what they say, it can give the impression that sex and marriage are two separate things.

Sometimes we act like marriage is the house and sex is the swimming pool. Sex is the add-on, the extra bonus, that doesn’t have anything to do with the structural integrity of the house itself, the marriage. Two separate things. We’ve got the marriage on one hand and we pay attention to the marriage. The marriage is where we live and it’s really important. And when you sign the contract to buy the house, you open up the back door and, “Wow! Look at that pool!” And you dive in immediately. You put on sunscreen and you grab a floatie and you’re out there for twelve hours. It’s a fringe benefit when you purchase the house. It’s a really nice extra.

Or maybe it’s just the opposite. Maybe sex is the house and the marriage is the add-on. Sex is the main dwelling. I’ve got to get married so I can have the sex. Sex is the main house — the foundation, the walls, the floors, the roof, everything. And the marriage relationship is the pool out back. It’s nice. I’m glad we’ve got it. Two separate things.

That kind of thinking — seeing sex and marriage as two separate things — has led to a whole let of sex without marriage and a whole lot of marriages without sex. Both of those situations are a distortion of God’s holy will. And both situations are doing serious damage to our marriages and our families and God’s Church.

I like the house/pool illustration and I hate that I’ve cut it out of tomorrow’s sermon. Sex and marriage are two sides of the same coin. Neither of them should happen independently of the other. It’s like eating salsa without chips or watching a concert on TV with the sound turned off. God not create either marriage or sex to exist without the other.

The Bible does talk a lot about sexual immorality, but not because sex is bad. The Bible has a very high view of sex. God knows how sex works. He invented  it. He created sex and gave it to husbands and wives in the very beginning for specific purposes. The sermon is not, “Don’t have sex.” It’s “If you’re married have sex; and if you’re having sex in your marriage, have more.”

We’ve made promises that GCR is going to be a safe place to have hard conversations. We’ll practice what we promise tomorrow.

Peace,

Allan

Rugged Commitment

May 20, 2021 / / 0 Comments

My great friend Jim Martin posted this in his weekly email encouragement to a bunch of us ministers who rely on him for regular shots of wisdom and strength. I’m re-posting it here word for word.

I was getting ready to officiate at a wedding in Central Texas. Preparing for this event caused me to think about marriage in general and my own marriage in particular. Beyond this, I had already been thinking about some of the fragile relationships within congregations and the relational challenges we have faced over the last year.

Some of these challenges have resulted in the fragmentation of relationships within congregations. Church members argued about the pandemic, wearing masks, getting vaccinated, the presidential election, racial issues, etc. For many, this has been quite painful.

Yet, as we look to the future of our congregations, it is important that we recommit to one another by loving with a rugged commitment. By “rugged commitment,” I mean a love that is willing to do what is hard and messy. This is a love for another that is much like the steadfast love of the Lord toward his children. This is a love that is willing to go the distance for another.

Can we love each other with a rugged commitment so that we forebear one another in love, even when we strongly disagree?

Can we love each other with a rugged commitment so that we seek to lighten the load of church leaders instead of making life so difficult for them?

Can we love each other with a rugged commitment so that we put our identity in Jesus above any other identity?

This rugged commitment is necessary for a lasting friendship, for a growing marriage, and for any congregation that wishes to stay together, in spite of the pressures that threaten to rip it apart.

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Our outdoor movie night set for tomorrow at Bivins Elementary has been moved because of all the rain – more than five inches in the past seven days and more on the way. Our Children’s Minister described the field at the school today as “swampy.” It looks like a playa lake. The event has been moved now to our west parking lot here at Central. We’re inviting the entire Bivins Elementary community and our whole church family to park on the south side, bring your lawn chairs and blankets, and enjoy Disney’s Moana at 630pm. We’ll be passing out the candy and popcorn and hoping that whatever is forecast for Friday night misses us.

Lesson learned: If we ever want rain in Amarillo, we need only to schedule an outdoor church event.

Peace,

Allan

She Keeps Saying “Yes”

November 25, 2020 / / 3 Comments

Thirty-one years ago today, I got on a plane for the very first time and flew to Las Vegas with Carrie-Anne. I had asked her to marry me on that morning of November 25, 1989 and by 11:30 that night, we were husband and wife, hitched by a deputy sheriff in the basement of the Clark County courthouse. She said “yes” to me that day and she’s been saying “yes” to me ever since.

Carrie-Anne said “yes” to a radio career marked by slow upward mobility — emphasis on mobility. She said “yes” to Pampa, Marble Falls, Memphis, Wichita Falls, and, finally, Dallas. She said “yes” to the trials and tribulations that come with being a preacher’s wife. She said “yes” to Austin, North Richland Hills, and Amarillo. She’s said “yes” to Van Halen concerts and more Rangers games than we could count. She’s said “yes” to scary movies, political documentaries, and The Simpsons. She said “yes” to the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the Dr Pepper Museum. She’s said “yes” to trips to Ukraine, Peru, Brazil, Columbia, and Bolivia. (She continues to say “no” to Israel, but I’m still asking.)

I don’t know how it keeps happening. That first “yes,” maybe, came in a moment of weakness. However it happened, I feel very lucky and grateful. I thank God every single day that Carrie-Anne said “yes” that Friday after Thanksgiving in 1989. Today, we have a houseful together — three adult daughters, a new son-in-law, and Carley’s large dog. And more unknowns and adventures still to come. Together.

Carrie-Anne knows me better than anyone. We’ve been through a lot together in 31-years. She has seen and experienced the worst of me and the best of me. And, by the grace of God, she keeps saying “yes.” I feel so fortunate to be her husband, so blessed by the Lord that she is my wife.

Peace,

Allan

Divorce & Remarriage: Last Part

July 6, 2019 / / 0 Comments

This part is just to people who have been divorced. If you’ve ever been through a divorce — if it happened forty years ago or if the ink is still wet on the paperwork — this part is for you.

I know when you hear people say God hates divorce, you think, “Can he possibly hate it more than I do?” I know. You read somewhere that divorced people have failed Christ. Somebody in your Bible class says if divorced Christians remarry, they’re going to be living in adultery the rest of their lives. You overhear someone say divorced Christians have to stay single forever. And you wonder if you’ve really been forgiven by God.

Can you be forgiven?

Maybe you wonder if you’re OK with God. Maybe you went into your marriage and divorce was not even an option. Just like all of us.

Sometimes hearts harden. Sometimes people turn their backs on God’s plan. Sometimes one party makes a decision that forever changes a covenant relationship. Maybe there’s adultery. Maybe there’s abandonment. Maybe there’s abuse. Always there’s sin.

Maybe you tried everything. You begged God night and day to save your marriage. You tried marriage counseling. You gave your all for years and years and all you got from your spouse in return was more adultery. You sought wise counsel from your elders and others in the church who know you best. But, eventually, you had to walk away.

Maybe you weren’t even a Christian when you went through your divorce. But now that you’ve given your life to the Lord, some people are telling you your current marriage isn’t pleasing to God or his Church. Or you have to stay single. And it’s not making sense with the good news of the Gospel.

Or maybe you were the guilty party. Maybe you cheated once. Or twice. Maybe a lot. Maybe your selfishness drove your spouse away. Maybe you were so caught up in your work that you neglected your spouse and children. Maybe it was your addiction. Maybe you live with the shame and guilt that you’re the one who destroyed your family.

Here’s what you need to know: There is mercy and forgiveness from God for divorce. There is a place at the table and a place to serve, a place to belong and a place to be valued and loved in God’s Kingdom for all who’ve been divorced. This is precisely why Jesus walked to the cross and willingly died for us. Love. Grace. Forgiveness. For all our sins, not just some of them. Your life right now and your eternal destiny are wrapped up in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ Jesus. And in Christ there is always light and life and hope.

Peace,

Allan

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